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  #1  
Old 05-31-2013, 10:51 AM
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Default α ¢яσωи σf gσℓ∂єи ℓєανєѕ ~ Duffy

CHAPTER ŐŃĔ



My vision was a blur. Probably because I was glaring at the blinding sun, and it made my eyes feel a painful sensation.
There was a muddy feel to my fingertips as I clenched tufts of grass in my fists, supporting my back and sitting up.
"Hello?" I whispered, scared at the silence. I spoke louder. "H-hello?"
No-one. Not yet, anyway, I thought to myself.
The stains on my long, elegant dress suggested that I was wet; my stiff, messy hair also suggested so. Exposed to the sunlight, I must have dried off.
Gaining balance, I stood up, taking in the atmosphere and trying to identify the scene, to no avail. I was lost. I was stranded. I was left here.
My feet were bare, and the foreign green plants, scattered everywhere, tickled them slightly. I hadn't seen it at the castle.

A nearby village caught my eye, so I made my way over there to investigate. I had no castle, nor shelter, to stay.
Walking down the narrow street was an elderly man, who was carrying sacks of flour.
"Hello, Sir. Do you know where this is?" I asked, shyly and politely.
"Why," He started. "This is Leshneit."

I certainly was not meant to be in Leshneit. I was somewhere very far away from home, and my Kingdom needed me. I am Princess Rose, and I had to find a way home.

Last edited by DuffyBringsLove; 06-08-2013 at 09:13 AM..
  #2  
Old 05-31-2013, 11:27 AM
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it's really good so far
i'll totally be checking back
for more so keep writing! c:
  #3  
Old 05-31-2013, 11:33 AM
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Thanks Hanner Nanner xD
  #4  
Old 06-08-2013, 08:39 AM
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I like it but I'd change the name of the princess. Maybe something more elegant,mike Louise or Celestine,
  #5  
Old 06-08-2013, 08:48 AM
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Thanks neon, I was going to do that, but I haven't come round to checking up on the thread until now xD
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Old 06-08-2013, 08:58 AM
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That's good, (:
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Old 06-08-2013, 09:12 AM
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two

I tapped my feet on the wooden floor of the building. The rhythm was a simple 'tapity tap tap tap'. I didn't know what the building was, I hadn't ever seen anything like it. The unusual building was quite small, and closed in. I felt squeezed in tight against the interior, and it felt as if the walls were closing in. But the polite owner, who was getting quite impatient with my lack of social knowledge, told me all about the town. I was quickly fascinated by the small village; the happy residents, the scenery, everything. Just like the man, everyone was polite. As I had searched the streets, friendly faces waved and smiled as if they knew me already.
It was nothing like home. I lived in a vast castle, with colossal towers and flowing moats, where my servants were there for my every need. I never got to do anything myself. I rarely saw people who I wasn't related to or who worked in the palace. But here, the people were so independent. So filled with joy. They got what they really wanted: freedom. And now, stranded a million miles away from home, I got what I wanted too. I was given freedom.
"T-Thank you, sir." I muttered.
"Your welcome, madame." he said, giving me some food, a cloak and a satchel.
From there, I carried on with my journey in the forest. I had decided that the outskirts of the woods was my best option. I couldn't stand being caged in that castle any longer, and to live in the forest was my dream. All of the fairytale's I had read as a child, all of the legends and myths I was told when I was a young child. Maybe it would be as magical as the stories, just maybe.

After long, endless hours of trekking through the woodland wonderland, I ran out of breath. The burning sun had turned into a grey sky, which dropped white, cold drops from the sky. The drops coated the ground with a white blanket. From all of the stories I've read, illustrations I had seen, I knew it was snow. I wrapped my cloak tighter around my arms. The material was thick, and as soft and cuddly as yarn.

The temperature was unbearable. My vision became so unclear, that I sat down. Clearly, I was failing. My legs were starting to become numb, but I couldn't give up. But in the distance, a soft, soft picture, was a cottage. My only hope of surviving through this icy plain was to stay there. I had no choice. Out of dying of the cold or dying of sentence, I chose of sentence.

First of all, I knocked. "H-h-hello?" I called. There was no response, so after another few tries, I climbed through the open window. There was a warming fire inside. Finally.

Last edited by DuffyBringsLove; 06-08-2013 at 10:49 AM..
  #8  
Old 06-08-2013, 09:24 AM
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It's good, but the story moves too fast. You need to have more detail, almost so the reader can imagine it in their mind. Your story is good, but the description is vague.
  #9  
Old 06-08-2013, 10:39 AM
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I know, I rushed it because I went to get the grocery xD I'm editing the chapters so they're more descriptive.
  #10  
Old 06-08-2013, 11:14 AM
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Nice story, Duffy (:
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